A Solstice Retreat (by Danaeah B.)

I spent Saturday on an all day retreat with Anam Thubten Rinpoche, the teacher I’ve mentioned in previous posts. Some fifty people gathered in the social hall of a church to listen to this man, whose core theme (as reflected in the title of his book, No Self, No Problem), has meant so much to me. Unfortunately the book is out of print at this time.

The retreat format was very simple; a half hour of meditation, followed by recitation of the Heart Sutra, a dharma talk, and then a break. We repeated this throughout the day. The instructions for meditation were simple as well – attend to the breath until attention is stable, then expand awareness to include all of the senses. Simply relax into the present moment. Let thoughts and emotions go. When they carry attention away, return to the breath.

The day was warm – over 100 in the afternoon, and the air conditioning was broken. Ceiling fans kept the air moving, but I had to stand and drink black tea at one point in the afternoon to stay awake – the heat, of course, was one of those never-ending opportunities to observe how I react when life hands me something I do not like.

Here are some of the points I remember from Anam Thubten’s talks:

“Life is the most precious gift the universe can bestow. In simplest terms, our spiritual task is to celebrate life. We need to ask ourselves what we are doing here, why we are here. What is the meaning of our lives? We’re not looking for sophisticated, coffee shop answers, but something deeper that satisfies our heart and gut. People often seek meaning in one of three ways. There is the way of attainment – seeking success in a ‘dog-eat-dog’ world. The social way – seeking meaning in relationships, friends, and family. And the spiritual way – which can also be full of illusions – fantasies of exotic teachings, wise gurus, and so on.”

“Scratch the surface and you will find a great anguish in almost everyone, for no condition in this world will give us the lasting happiness and peace we crave.”

[Anam Thubten gazes at those who are gathered]

“You don’t find too many young people in Buddhist sanghas. Usually when we are young we don’t realize that youth is one of the first things life takes away. Of course in the ultimate sense, there is no such thing. Youth and age are just concepts. Look in the face of a child in grade school. They haven’t yet learned they are young. In the west we worship youth. In Tibet they worship age, which equates to wisdom. In Tibet everyone wants to be old.”

[he shrugs and everyone laughs].

“In Buddhism we often say that when the universe seems to smile on us, it’s a very dangerous time. When we are prosperous, young, with satisfying relationships, if we ignore spiritual practice, it’s like being asleep in a house that’s on fire. The Buddha sent his students into the forest, into the cities and into cremation grounds at night. He insisted they witness the full range of what life will bring us. Sometimes suffering can be a very wise guru.”

“What the Buddha called ‘Mara,’ the devil, is purely inside us. It’s the only devil there is. There is something within us that works against our own liberation. Its weapon is illusion. The pervasive illusion that somehow we’ll find conditions in this impermanent world that will satisfy our longings. There are lots of spiritual illusions too.”

Unknown to Anam Thubten, the announcement for this retreat listed his topic as “Living with an Open Heart.” When he heard this, he was delighted, saying an open heart was one of his favorite themes. A heart that is wide enough to embrace all of life and all sentient beings brings us to the place of no-self, for that kind of love and compassion melts the illusion of separation of self and others. We were asked to work with a partner during a guided meditation that gave a taste of this feeling.

The afternoon talks focused on ways of developing this ‘open heart,’ or more correctly, letting go of all that obscures what is already there. Some of the teachings echo Pema Chodron, when she asks us to face, accept and even embrace all the conditions of life. There was also a guided meditation aimed at “touching” the six major hindrances to developing Boddhichitta, this “big hearted love” – hatred, jealousy, dullness, desire, envy and pride.

Toward the end of the day, Anam Thubten said, “The path of mindfulness is not ‘fun’ – it’s an acquired taste. It’s for people courageous enough to aim for the highest enlightenment and opening of the heart. At first it seems like we’re going to loose everything – and we are! We’re going to loose our stories, our illusions, our identities and our attachments. Later we will understand that all we really lost are the things that cause us sorrow.”

Give an introverted, book-loving, spiritual seeker like myself a few decades and she’ll collect more ideas and theories than anyone possibly needs. I’m sorry if these notes seem more of the same – cerebral stuff that doesn’t really satisfy. It’s very hard to capture the presence of Anam Thubten by quoting his words.

One of the things I’ve noticed around those few “spiritual” people who have something I want is, how much I laugh, how good it feels just to be near them. Anam Thubten’s humor and joy are contagious. In a very real sense, his words were an extra – it would have been enough just to sit with him. But I’m sure he knew we’d soon fall asleep, so he cast a net of peace over the sangha, and used his words to encourage us in this practice which can carry us to the place of an open and joyous heart.

Gassho, Danaeah

Articles that may interest you:

More Articles by Danaeah