Smoking: Status – Not Smoking minus a pack
This happened last week. I’m catching up on my disclosure, before I put out my weekend posts… smiles and hugs to all…
– DV
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But but but… I did fail again. The thought of entering the work force made me say screw it and I bought a pack. I finished it and quit again. This was last week or so.
Withdrawals as a Deterrent
It is a bummer when I bow to smoking. I usually kick myself, because it means that my “other half” ends up having a few. Which is not as bad as the alternative. In the past, if my other half starts smoking, we are both doomed to relapse.
I don’t feel much guilt over my own failing. I do feel it when my smoking hurts someone I love. It is not a good feeling and is certainly not an incentive to get another pack.
At this point in the process of quitting, it has been a while since we had both smoked. But that also means that it has been a while since the withdrawals. I had mentioned a few posts back that one thing about failing and then quitting again is going through the pain of withdrawals over and over again. When you get used to what withdrawals do to you, you handle them better and it actually makes it easier to quit again.
Withdrawals are only a good deterrent to relapsing if you remember why you quit in the first place. If you don’t remember why you hated the stuff, you might think, oh crap … “I’ll just keep smoking because nothing is worse than the withdrawals.” It is easy to fall into this way of thinking if you forget why you loath the things in the first place. You actually go back to remembering why you liked them in the first place.
Yes, a bummer situation.
Taking in Anger
So what does it mean when you forget how to behave better when you have withdrawals…? Let’s put it this way, me and my other half have a “safe-word”, well, it is more of a “safe-behavior” when we are in withdrawals.
When I am going through withdrawals, I tend to be like an open nerve ending. Any slight stimulation of a minor annoyance (which would not have even been on my radar) becomes very important. It works much the same for my other half. We have learned this about each other through many failures, and when withdrawals spawn terrifically, loud conversations (actually they have been quite good for the relationship), we just remind each other that we indeed are going through nicotine withdrawals, and it dismantles the situation.
The first time both he and I made the mistake of quitting smoking at the same time I turned and said… “I want a fucking cigarette!” And with the acknowledgement of the ridiculousness of the situation, we both laughed out loud. So now when this type of situation happens, either one of us will acknowledge what has happened and say, “do you think you need a cigarette?” The other thing that I think is wonderful is that we apologize very quickly for making the other person feel uncomfortable.
This last time that we smoked and went through withdrawals we agreed that smoking was like taking a small dose of anger into our bodies. Sometimes that is just what it feels like. Complete uneasiness…
It is amazing what a practice of patience going through withdrawals can be for yourself and for your partner, especially if you are going through them at the same time. It, like most hardships to hit a relationship, can be a time of extreme growth, love, and support that lends itself back into the relationship.
Something Learned, Something New
I do have to say that I tried something more recently, that I think would have worked if I had thought of it before I bought the pack. A variation of something my friend Dani says to do… I kind of ask to myself “who wants to smoke..?” “Who is feeling stressed?” “Who is thinking negatively?” That kind of thing… but not in a bad way… in a nice way… kind of like speaking to the child in myself. And you know what, I responded. Some how just that reminds me that the withdrawals and perhaps even the stressed feeling that triggers me to want to buy a pack of cigarettes will indeed pass. It also lends myself to the questions of… do you want to feel this way?
Now, all I need to do is use this new idea. Actually, I probably should use this method for a lot of things that I start feeling icky about.
Oh Well… Bummer… No Worries…
Yes, I bowed, but I’m quitting again. I still remember it is not something I want to do. I have decided that due to that it just doesn’t make any sense to smoke anymore. I think if I keep those thoughts in mind, I will have a better chance at keeping smoke free.
Supporting Your Other Half
The most supportive things we do for each other in the case of smoking is to not beat up on each other. If he or I fail we just promise to stop again immediately. That is all there is too it.
We’re quitting again! Because we’re cool… hehehhehe
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