The Middle Way (Eightfold Path) – Realistic Speech

This is the fourth post of the “middle way” articles. It is only a personal exploration of the middle way; just my understanding of it. The eightfold path (the “middle way”) is described as path to the cessation of suffering or the fourth noble truth.

This post will cover the subject of Right or Realistic Speech.

To review, the eightfold path, (the middle way) has the following parts (the discipline it is connected to is in parenthesis):

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1. Realistic Understanding (Wisdom)
2. Realistic Thought (Wisdom)
3. Realistic Speech (Ethical Conduct)
4. Realistic Action (Ethical Conduct)
5. Realistic Livelihood (Ethical Conduct)
6. Realistic Effort (Mental Discipline)
7. Realistic Mindfulness (Mental Discipline)
8. Realistic Concentration (Mental Discipline)

For a description of why I describe these as “realistic” as opposed to right or rightful please read my post Right or Realistic Effort.

- DV

The next part of the path I really wanted to explore is speech.

Let me be one to admit that in retrospect, my speech patterns have not always been what I have wanted them to be. I have been looking forward to getting to this element of the path for a while now. It seems kind of strange that I have started to look forward to writing about some of these elements of the path. I suppose that is a good sign that somewhere in my mind I actually think these are doing me some good.

Ethical Conduct

It is kind of interesting where the “speech” element is placed in the path. It is not in the Wisdom Discipline or the Mental Discipline, it is right there with rightful action, and right livelihood. Where wisdom and mental discipline are the things that will help someone bring about less suffering, usually it is conduct that really makes or breaks the effort. Looking at it that way, it is really difficult to split up the eight elements, as they really do all interconnect.

Although the phrase “ethical conduct” has heavy modern cultural meanings associated with it, the Buddhist meaning and practice seems to approach it a little less heavily. Again the translation seems a little off here, and confuses things. When I look at books on the topics of Buddhism, it appears that the word that we really should be using other than “ethical” is “harmonious”. Ah! Suddenly this all deserves a new look.

When we strive for rightful or realistic action, speech, or livelihood, we are really looking at reducing suffering by practicing “harmonious conduct.” Let’s face it, someone can speak as ethically as they like, and still be the biggest asshole on the block. It is really harmonious conduct or speech that makes more sense here for ending suffering. Of course, I’m sure the Buddha was not trying to create a bunch of car salesmen. Or was he?

The Cost of an Agenda

But is being the biggest a-hole on the block worse than being a car salesmen? I don’t think so, but it depends doesn’t it?

By definition a “car salesman” is someone whose motivation is to get you to buy more than what you need or want, to convince you that what you are buying is what you need, well, for at least the amount of time it takes to make you sign the papers. It is negotiation skills gone evil. That is not to say all real car salesmen are evil, but this use of the term is a way people describe feelings they have when someone seems untrustworthy, basically because they have used their negotiating skills to take advantage of someone. Another term commonly used in place of the phrase “car salesmen” is “politicians”. So why is it that car salesmen and politicians have such a bad rep?

When I read between the lines of the stories of most leaders of the world, some of the “good” ones like the Buddha were in fact negotiators, or the more positive term can be used, diplomats. I rarely see them called car salesmen or even politicians. So I thought I would try a little experiment:

I would circle one of the following descriptions for each of the people listed:

Mother Theresa – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Buddha – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Jesus – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Bill Clinton – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

George W. Bush – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Thich Nhat Hanh – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Hillary Clinton – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Barack Obama – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Bono – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

Richard Nixon – Politician? Car Salesman? Diplomat? Leader?

I could add anyone I wanted to this list, even some people from my own life that I deal with every day, and what I have learned is that the exercise certainly shines an interesting light on my own beliefs.

The four words I used above, and I’m sure there are better ones, are just different facets of the same thing. They are culturally charged words that can be used to measure what we think as someone’s credibility and perhaps their skill. When it comes down to it, when I make my judgment on people, what I am asking is: Who do I trust? At times it is: What am hoping for? At other times it is: What do I fear? And at even different times it is: What am I trying to justify in myself?

Ok, how does this relate to rightful speech?

I guess what I’m trying to figure out is what it is that makes me differentiate what I think of as credible leaders. I think, what it comes down to is what I believe their motivations to be, and if they are in fact true to their word.

I guess I’m trying to gauge if the Buddha wanted a bunch of car salesmen, or if he wanted leaders? There is a difference between actions that are labeled car salesmen and those labeled diplomat no?

The Buddha was known as a diplomat, and as a leader. He was very smart in his dealings with businessmen and rulers of the time. He was selfish in the ways he used his influence to promote what he thought was going to be good for all. I suppose that is why most people would lean more toward calling him a diplomat as opposed to a car salesman, or a leader as opposed to a politician. Of course these are culturally charged words that mean much the same thing, but I think you see what I’m getting at. These labels are used to show a level of trust in people, based on judgements of the consistency of their actions and speech, or, in Buddhist basic terms, their Karma.

Rightful Speech

Is it always about my motivation?

Yup.

Even if I don’t want to believe it, it really seems like it is about ones motivation. I want to show some examples for myself from my recent experiences. I think to myself, what is this person thinking?

Many of the examples I use here are from my work experience. In truth, most of my not-so-right speech comes at times where I’m have been less than mindful, or pushed into a very stressful situation. These situations are very rare between me and my friends and loved ones not connected to work. It may be a good exercise for me to go back and make examples of not-so-right speech that I experienced or committed in my personal life. Right now, because of my new work environment, I have been more focused on being mindful and centered in a setting where really I have no ground. I have already experienced many of these examples in that environment, and not only am I trying to gain understanding of those around me, but watching my reactions to some familiar triggers.

Examples of Not-so-right speech:

Slander or Back Biting

“Well, this person was always … (insert comforting negative generality here).”

I say “comforting” because usually when I have found myself doing something like this, the motivation behind it was to make me feel better about a decision I made, that I could not justify in any positive way.

This is an example of slander or back biting, especially when it takes place in public. If I found myself saying something about someone else, in a public forum that will effect them or me, and I would not tell them that I had done so, this is probably what I was doing.

If I caught myself motivated with such insecurity I need to ask myself: “why I would want to generalize someone negatively in public”, and “what is my motivation?” Believe me, when I have heard others do this in front of me, I was thinking the same question of them.

The cost of this type of speech is the quiet loss of credibility.

Fostering Mob Mentality (Power grabbing)

“What? Someone would actually do something like … (insert an action that another person is doing that they actually feel good about.)”

This is a statement that may be an attempt to put someone else down, plus, at the same time, an attempt to gain favor from the rest of the people listening. I believe the term is belittling:

tr.v. be·lit·tled, be·lit·tling, be·lit·tles

1. To represent or speak of as contemptibly small or unimportant; disparage: a person who belittled our efforts to do the job right.

2. To cause to seem less than another or little: The size of the office tower belittles the surrounding buildings. See Synonyms at decry.

This is generally a passive-aggressive attempt to keep ones ego above another. In the kind of audience that allows this type of thing, it will show who is trying to be the “alpha” person. Often passive-aggressive people will play on other’s insecurities, in a way that is hard to pin down, especially in an unhealthy environment.

If I feel the need to piss on someone’s parade because my own ego has been bruised, I am probably doing this one. If I find myself making comments about people that could have double meanings and I have malice in my heart when saying it, I am probably doing this. If I do this in front of people, I am definitely not showing my good side am I?

The cost of this type of speech is the quiet loss of credibility.

Lying

“I am just doing everything I can to get the team to work together.”

Ok. There are a few people who I can believe when they make this statement. I have said this one myself. But if they follow it with:

“I haven’t been able to do this or that because I have been working so hard to help the team.”

Ouch.

When I find myself saying things like the first statement, I definitely have to check in with myself. When someone makes both of these statements, it raises my eyebrows. I know it is a judgement here, but I am guessing my knee jerk reaction is much like 80% of the people out there. When I hear these things I think to myself that this person is trying to lie to themselves as well as everyone else. (Yes, denial takes the form of that harsh word “lying” in many people’s thought process, even if they don’t say it out loud).

How is this lying? The person is not clear on their true motivations. They usually are justifying their bad actions by putting a veneer of sacrifice on it. There are certainly people who walk the walk, but you can tell by their actions rather than their words. One give away, in a work environment, or at even at home is the reaction of their team or family. If their team clams up, or son gives an eye roll when they are around… well… odds are their motivations are not quite what they are selling.

The cost of this type of speech is the quiet loss of credibility.

Taking Credit for Other’s Work

Taking credit for other’s work is another form of lying, so is when someone says that they know something they don’t. We all know these things are lies, but why are they so prevalent?

I have seen it over and over again. What was my reaction?

My first reaction is to get peeved and think “these people really get away with this shit!” But over time, I have found that the real truth is, my vote does count. Like me, the others around may be fooled once, but like touching a hot stove, most people tend to learn and learn quick.

The Quiet Cost of Credibility

By now I hope I have been able to communicate what I mean by the “quiet” loss of credibility. Many people tend to get silent around such unsavory behaviors as bullying, lying, and manipulation. They give up trying to help or correct the situation and act like they are agreeable, basically to stay out of the line of fire. It may seem like the person committing not-so-right speech has won the day, but in the end, the truth will become evident in what “happens next.”

We all make mistakes. We have off days or even years. People change, and their behavior changes too. I do expect that if I consistently speak in not-so-right ways, I will give the consistent impression of one of those unsavory behaviors above, and I will be treated how someone like that is treated.

I truly believe that for a normal person to consistently speak in such unharmonious ways, no matter the size of that person’s paycheck or how much that person seems to get away with it, that type of speech will begin to increase the suffering for that person. I feel the opposite is true also. In general, if someone consistently uses rightful speech, and it matches up with their actions, then they will probably be treated with much more trust, and in many ways the potential for suffering is reduced. It all seems pretty clear cut.

Checking Motivations

I am guilty of some of these not-so-right speech actions. To err is human, and some of this is just a part of the growing up process. I have certainly learned a lot in my years. My credibility is something important to me, and something I have taken very seriously and feel pretty good about. I have been honored by my friends and peers many times. But even in that sure knowledge, I make attempts to stay vigilant and be mindful of my motivations and my speech, and of course apologize when I fail. I know being perfect is not an option, but knowing myself is.

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I still have some more to think about in this harmonious speech element. This was the most difficult post to write so far of the elements of the path. I hope that I was able to type it in a way that fits rightful speech.

I just realized something to else consider… in the age of the Internet and blogging. Even what you type can live a lot longer than what you intend.

Metta

Articles that may interest you:

More Dharma Voyager’s Buddhism Explorations

What the Buddha Taught: Revised and Expanded Edition with Texts from Suttas and Dhammapada ISBN: 0802130313 ISBN-13: 9780802130310

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